I've sat here.... in the library for the past hour and thirty minutes (at least) doing NOTHING. Well... nothing is an understatement. I have wasted time away switching back and forth from yahoo, toFacebook, to pandora, to iTunes, to blogger, to gmail, pause- open peanut butter crackers trying not to make a sound with the obnoxiously loud wrapper (thank goodness I didn't get Sunchips. Have you heard the packaging on those things! Thank goodness they're compostable.) continue- hotmail, yahoomail, ksl.com, my school e-mail account, back to Facebook, pandora, gmail, school e-mail, shopping... pause,- queue waterbottle, drink, stare blankly out the library window at the expansive view of the valley, back to Facebook, check text messages, respond, yahoo, fruit snacks wrapper was only a minor concern but scared to death that everyone could hear me chewing these things, they're so loud! (Wait.... maybe it's because I have headphones in....ahh that's why i can hear every movement of my jaw and neck or swallow in vivid detail. ) - back to Pandora, readjust scarf, Facebook, get out planner...gaze into it's depths... Check the time, pull out journal try to write something epic.... epic fail, Facebook, yahoo, NOTHING HAS CHANGED! What?! Drink Orange juice.... too sweet, drink water... mouth dry drink more, gaze, adjust headphones, research fitness shoes- seriously?... I don't even use tennis shoes! check blogger, Facebook, yahoo, podcasts... Think about golf... yeah I'm learning about it from my roommate. Drink..... Whoa, pull myself back and decide to blog about it, break the cycle!

So here I am, being somewhat productive creating my first blog post. It's been two years coming an I can't describe my disappointment at how epic it isn't. There is nothing philisophical or captivating about it. And I think I like it that way. I am breaking lots of cycles, the list above is just a small scale version of what's gone on with this blog- it's time to just get started! I have NO idea exactly how to do this, make it look pretty, format it correctly or even organize my thoughts at the moment. But isn't that what it's all about?

Doing

Starting

Beginning

Making mistakes

.

Its funny, because I'm actually working on a research paper right now... (well I should be) and the topic is Being present, also known as Mindfulness. Choosing this topic came naturally from an interesting story I'll have to share later. But the whole premise behind it is living in the moment doing and experiencing in the present rather than living in the past, or future outside of ourselves.... Ironic isn't it?

And so begin the chronicles,

Signed,

A Paralyzed Perfectionist.

Learning to embrace and glory in imperfection...

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